It’s difficult to gauge the amount of advertising we encounter daily. Some of it is overt, like television commercials, while some are covert, even attempting to smuggle in some advertising when we’re not looking for it. While advertising might occasionally be beneficial to us, it mostly just annoys us and not many of us take action to stop it. But for one lady, who was tired of the false advertising that feminine product firms were using, it was not the case.
Wendi Aarons wrote the letter and posted it on an internet forum; it was presumably simply a way for her to vent and get things off her chest. Wendi wrote the “open letter,” but it wasn’t addressed to Mr. Thatcher—a made-up person. Additionally, we believe it would have been great if she had forwarded it to Procter & Gamble, but she never did. You’ll adore this, I promise!
Dear, Mr. Thatcher
For more than 20 years, I have been a devoted user of your “Always” maxi pads, and I value several of its qualities. Why, I doubt I would have ever gone salsa dancing or horseback riding, and I definitely wouldn’t have sprinted up and down the beach in tight, white shorts if it weren’t for the absorbency of the Dri-Weave and LeakGuard Core.
But your innovative Flexi-Wings have to be my favorite feature. Bravo for being the only business astute enough to understand how important it is that maxi pads have aerodynamic properties. You have no idea how comfortable and protected it makes me feel to know that there’s a little F-16 in my trousers every month. Mr. Thatcher, have you ever had menstruation? Presumably, you haven’t. My favorite time of the month is officially beginning now. Hormonal forces are already aggressively coursing through my body as I type. My body will react in a matter of minutes, and I’ll become what my spouse likes to refer to as “an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.”
The human body—isn’t it amazing?
As the Feminine-Hygiene Division’s Brand Manager, you have undoubtedly seen a good deal of study on the specifics of what occurs during your customers’ monthly visits from “Aunt Flo.” You have to be aware of our severe mood swings, sobbing fits, and uncontrollable conduct in addition to the bloating, puffiness, and cramps we experience. You are aware that most ladies are going through a difficult moment.
The point is that sir, you of all people ought to understand that murderous maniacs in capri pants are rife throughout America. my leads me to the purpose of my letter. The words “Have a Happy Period” were emblazoned on the adhesive backing of an Always maxi-pad that I unwrapped last month during excruciating cramps that made me want to reach inside my body and tear out my uterus.
Are you f——ing serious? In other words, is there any part of your little middle-manager brain that genuinely believes that experiencing true joy—that is, laughing and smiling—during your menstruation is possible? Did any of the things that were just listed sound somewhat enjoyable? Did it work out, James? Just so you don’t march down to the local Walgreens armed with a rifle for hunting and a hazy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory, there will never be anything “satisfied about having to lock yourself in your house and jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak.
Man, please take off your head for the love of God! Wouldn’t it make more sense to write something truly relevant, like “Put down the Hammer” or “Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong,” if you had to scrawl a stupid statement on a maxi pad?
Kindly notify your Accounting Department that I have decided to move my maxi-pad company elsewhere, resulting in a $8 monthly earnings loss as of right now, sir. And while I will miss your Flex-Wings, I will not miss your patronizing bullshit for a minute. And I will honor my vow to do that.
Always…
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX