There’s more than one way to make a family, and increasingly, couples and single parents around the world have been turning to surrogacy to complete their own. In fact, studies have shown that there’s been an “exploding market” for surrogacy over the last 10 to 15 years, with hundreds of babies being born each year, if not more. But one surrogacy story on Reddit had the internet an uproar after one would-be dad said his surrogacy agency made a mistake during the conception process – and now they no longer want the baby that his surrogate birthed.
The anonymous poster shared that he and his wife desperately wanted a child and turned to surrogacy after struggling to conceive.
In the hotly debated Reddit post, which has since been deleted, the man said that after several devastating miscarriages, they began to look into surrogacy agencies.
“We paid lots of money to a surrogacy [agency] in order to have our own child together,” he continued. And in the end, they found someone who they liked and trusted to carry their child. “The surrogate was a nice lady who took care of her body and we got along very well,” he added.
Things had gone smoothly throughout the surrogate’s pregnancy, too, and on the day she gave birth, he and his wife were “so excited.”
But as soon as the baby was born, that joy was dashed.
“Once I saw the baby I knew that there was something wrong,” he explained, noting that the baby “had asian features, black hair, and brown eyes.” That immediately struck him as peculiar, since both he and his wife are “white blonde folks with blue eyes.”
Puzzled, the parents “immediately” brought up the issue with their doctor and asked that a DNA test be done to figure out what was going on.
Long story short: “I am not the father,” the poster now says.
How so? Well, it turned out that there was some kind of EPIC snafu between the surrogacy agency and the sperm bank, which resulted in what he describes as an “extremely rare” mix-up. In other words, they gave the wrong sperm to the surrogate.
HOO BOY, that is not good. Not. Good.
The agency and the sperm bank offered to give the couple money if they didn’t go to the media or sue.
But the poster says he and his wife are devastated.
“We don’t care about race, we are just upset that the baby wasn’t both of us, if he was white and not mine we still would [have] been just as upset,” he shared. “The surrogate was really heartbroken as well after we revealed what happened but can’t afford to keep it as she already has five kids.”
That leads him to the big question he put before Reddit: Is he wrong for wanting to take legal action? And more importantly, is he wrong for not keeping the baby?
Some people were incredulous that this couple couldn’t love the child anyway.
In fact, many people said they were heartbroken that this baby might be denied a loving home as the result of the horrible mix-up.
“I’m in tears reading this, it has ruined my day,” one commenter wrote. “I know it’s a big ask but can you really not find it in your heart to love this child? He has still been blessed to you and your wife and needs to be loved just like any other baby.”
Someone else pointed out that because the mix-up only had to do with the sperm and not the egg that was used, this is actually pretty unfair to the original poster’s wife.
“Baby is biologically related to OP’s wife,” the person wrote. “If he’s using biology to justify why they are morally allowed to abandon the baby, the wife would immorally be abandoning her child, even if he doesn’t consider it his own. If she’s ok with giving up a child she’s been wanting to have, she’d be a huge [expletive]. He’d also be the [expletive] for not accepting that his wife’s child is also his child, even if they’re not related by blood.”
Another person agreed and wondered what the OP’s wife had to say about all of this.
“Sounds like OP hasn’t really considered his wife’s feelings or opinion … because you’re right, that child is HERS,” they added. “If the baby had been born obviously white, OP probably wouldn’t have ever questioned paternity. OP, sorry you’re not the bio dad but you’re asking your wife to give up her longed for baby?!”
At the same time, there were plenty of Redditors who were firmly on the man’s side.
He has a right to raise his own child, many of his defenders argued.
“It’s really sad i agree with you,” wrote one person, “and for the poor baby who nobody wants him and he just came into the world… not the parents fault tho … ”
“But it’s not the child they wanted to have,” another person chimed in. “They specifically went with surrogacy to get a child that was biologically theirs. That is the entire point of surrogacy. Whether that’s morally right or not is another question, and a difficult one. But it seems pretty clear to me that neither got what they wanted.”
Another person put it more bluntly when saying: “Lol no way man. That kids gotta go and the company needs suing out of business.”
In the end, the man updated that he and his wife had made their decision: As the baby’s legal guardians, they’ve reached out to an adoption agency to find the little one a home.
“We are contacting an adoption agency to place the baby in a loving home,” he wrote.
Here’s hoping that whatever happened was ultimately for the best.