“Don’t ask questions if you aren’t ready for the answer” is common sense that many people forget to their own detriment. Unfortunately, in most committed relationships, you will have to face some hard truths with your partner. The silver lining is that these hard conversations might cause some pain in the moment, but will help in the long run.
A man wondered if he was wrong for finally telling his wife the truth about how he felt when she decided to take fewer showers and no longer use deodorant. We reached out to the husband in the story via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
It’s important to remember that your partner won’t always be 100% on board with your major lifestyle changes
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A man ended up causing marital drama when he told his wife exactly how he felt about her not showering
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As hard as it can be, good communication saves one from pain in the long run
It’s the most common of common sense to say that open and honest communication is a keystone of any marriage. Given the length of this couple’s marriage, it would make sense that they know it as well. It simply seems unlikely that they could somehow go through at least a decade of being together without a single “hard” conversation.
So it makes sense that the wife would be insistent on getting an answer. However, at the same time, she most likely enjoys some aspects of this new lifestyle. This might mean she overlooks the “side effects” of not showering, using deodorant and so on. Unfortunately, as many people with teenage kids already know, most folks tend to not notice or at least underestimate their own body odor.
So when the husband tells her exactly how he feels, this not only causes her to feel self-conscious, but also deflated that he is not as happy about this change as she clearly must be. Even worse, by repeatedly insisting on him telling her, he is not a bit frustrated and, unfortunately, isn’t the most diplomatic when he finally speaks.
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How we say things is also important to think about
Remember, communication isn’t just “saying the right things,” although that does go a long way. How we speak, the words we chose and even our tone are all important parts of ensuring that a delicate situation doesn’t escalate. In this story, some of the commenters (examples can be found below) who sided with the wife specifically called out the husband’s tone and how he decided to present his feelings. Almost no one thought he was “technically” wrong, just that he could have made his case in a more gentle manner.
Even if the things one must say are going to hurt, even if you yourself are hurt, it’s best to try and “soften” the message with non-verbal techniques. A gentle tone, a small or even physical touch (when appropriate) helps create a less-tense environment. In these sorts of situations, it’s easy to “lose” the fact that you are talking to a loved one in the heat of the moment.
After all, candid conversations can turn hostile very quickly the moment someone goes on the defensive. In a perfect world, we would be wise to hear out our partners, even if our knee-jerk reaction is some degree of frustration or even anger. But, just like with communication, relationships also need a degree of grace, as long as it fits into the confines of normal and healthy boundaries.
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Ultimately, it is possible to work through an argument if both sides agree
The husband later shared an update (which can also be found below) detailing how he approached the situation after reading some of the comments. You can read it yourself, but it ultimately underscores why open and honest communication is key to not only avoiding situations like this, but also resolving conflicts after they have happened. There are some conflicts bad enough to end the relationship then and there, but in most cases things can be worked through.
Fortunately, as the first part demonstrates, the husband is pretty understanding and has solid boundaries for what he can and can’t demand from his wife. This is also a vital part for a relationship. Your partner’s body is theirs at the end of the day, you might have preferences and even opinions, but if you don’t respect what they do with it, at the very least communicate or just leave, don’t try and control them.