Like most trends, dating trends come and go, which is good news in most cases. For example, being ghosted feels terrible and confusing. Meanwhile, catfishing does both and often leaves the other person feeling betrayed as well. Breadcrumbing is another example of a dating trend that causes internal turmoil but has become popular in recent years.
Breadcrumbing Explained
“In a relationship context, breadcrumbing refers to a person who gives you just enough ‘crumbs’ of attention or affection to give you hope and keep you on the hook — but not enough to make you feel comfortable or assured the relationship is going well,” explains a clinical psychologist, Dr. Gemma Harris. Essentially, breadcrumbing is when a person continually leads you on, with no intent to follow through or move to the next level.
Breadcrumbing is Surprisingly Common
Breadcrumbing has become popular in recent years, although it’s fair to assume the trend has long been a part of people’s mating rituals. Interestingly, a 2021 study showed that around 30% of participants had been breadcrumbed, particularly within a year of the study.
Signs of Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing has some obvious signs that will give you a better idea of where you stand in someone else’s life. Signs include:
- They flirt repeatedly but never make a move.
- Their communication is inconsistent or erratic.
- They message you to say hi or offer compliments but aren’t receptive to meeting.
- They don’t respond to messages but actively follow your social media accounts.
- They send memes and GIFs but never have a real conversation.
- Their conversations are “surface-level” and “lack depth or vulnerability.”
- They’ll say, “Let’s go out sometime,” but never follow through to set a date or place.
- They suddenly show more interest as soon as you start to back off. Or they’ll show less interest when you do and the relationship will feel “one-sided.”
- They don’t follow through when plans are made.
- They focus on the physical aspects of a relationship but overlook other things if not everything.
Behaviors that Prompt the Trend
Dr. Harris explains several reasons that prompt the undesirable dating trend. She shared that people with low self-esteem or who are highly empathetic “may be prone to normalizing breadcrumbing behavior.” As such, they’re more likely to be breadcrumbed because they keep an open mind to the possibility that things will get serious.
Low Self-Esteem is a Common Cause
However, the person doing the breadcrumbing may be doing so because they also have low self-esteem, rather than playing on yours. Dr. Harris shares that people with low self-esteem benefit from breadcrumbing because it gives them “a sense of power and control.” Moreover, it gives them a feeling of being wanted or worthy.
No Pressure
Additionally, people who fear commitment may prefer this as it creates a “pressure-free relationship.“
“Those with avoidant or disorganized attachment are prone to a form of breadcrumbing, but theirs is generally viewed as less manipulative or intentional,” Harris explains. “When they deliver breadcrumbs, it is often because they are withdrawing from intimacy or intensity that has left them feeling vulnerable,” she adds.
Dr. Harris adds that another aspect may play a role in the breadcrumbing dating trend. She notes that poor mental health, such as narcissistic personality disorder, can lead people down a perpetual cycle of breadcrumbing. The reason for this is because they, too, get a sense of importance, “power, or control.”
Negative Effects on Mental Health
Unsurprisingly, this dating trend can cause severe emotional and mental turmoil. Here are some feelings that will help you gauge your place in your partner’s life, according to Psychology Today:
- Experiencing an emotional roller coaster.
- Feeling confused or uncertain about the relationship.
- Wondering what you did wrong.
- Feeling insecure or facing low self-esteem.
- Resorting to relying on the other person to keep up communication.
- Feeling manipulated.
- Feeling betrayed.
- Feeling used.
Good News
Fortunately, there are numerous ways to tackle breadcrumbing in your relationship, including avoiding being subject to someone else’s decisions. Dr. Harris shares that having a conversation will help you determine if they’re “maliciously wasting your time” or if “this is a phase that might be managed better with some open communication.”
“Try to engage them in an open dialogue to gauge their level of insight and understanding of their behavior. Collaborative change is more likely if they are able to recognize and own these patterns,” she said.
Other Ways to Prevent becoming victim to the dating trend:
- Set boundaries and follow through on them.
- Take note of when nothing has changed or “you repeatedly hit brick walls.”
- Avoid tolerating any treatment that is less than you deserve.
- Recognize the patterns and behaviors early on in the relationship.
- Continue to engage in your social life “so you’re not dependent on the breadcrumber.”
Moving Forward
Lastly, be kind to yourself if you’ve been breadcrumbed. You’re already feeling hurt or confused, and beating yourself up over it doesn’t change anything, but it will likely make you feel worse. Instead, “be careful and compassionate with yourself not to take things personally or feel to blame,” Harris explains. Dating can be stressful, but it’s an essential part of finding your forever partner. However, keeping up with current dating trends can help remove some guesswork from the equation. Breadcrumbing is alarmingly common in dating, but labeling and understanding the act brings you closer to healing or further from falling prey.