There have been some truly horrific dating trends over the years – from the terrifying-sounding ‘vulturing’ to the truly sociopathic ‘penny method.’
And the latest dating trend to go viral might just be the worst one yet.
The slight strange-sounding ‘breadcrumbing’ is taking the internet by storm – and after finding out what it is, many are making a vow to stay single for life.
Here’s everything you need to know about ‘breadcrumbing’, from what it means to how to spot it:
What is ‘breadcrumbing’?
While it may sound quite yummy, it’s actually a big yuck in the context of relationships.
Essentially, it’s a method to keep a potential love interest around, without ever intending to properly commit.
The ‘breadcrumber’ offers little glimmers of hope (the ‘breadcrumbs’ of information) that keep their potential partner hanging on, for far longer than they really should.
The term comes from the fairy tale ‘Hansel and Gretel.’
It’s ‘a well-known folk tale about children lost in a wood, a trail of crumbs, a gingerbread house and one of the most terrifying fairy tale witches’ according to the Story Museum.
And just like in the story, breadcrumbing refers to leaving a trail of tantalizing crumbs of information that’ll intrigue a potential partner – but eventually lead them… nowhere.
How to spot ‘breadcrumbing’ in your relationship
If you’re concerned you might be being breadcrumbed, there are some major signs you should look out for.
Courtney Hubscher, LMHC, LCPC, NCC, of GroundWork Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, tells Best Life that vague plans are a telltale sign of breadcrumbing.
Breadcrumbers may suggest a potential hangout without ever stating concrete plans, never properly following through on setting a date.
Susan Trotter, PhD, relationship coach and expert, agrees that this lack of consistency is a key sign to watch out for.
The person doing the breadcrumbing will often alternate between messaging frequently and then not messaging at all.
They’ll go back and forth between seeming interested and disinterested.
Beth Ribarsky, PhD, professor of interpersonal communication at the University of Illinois Springfield points out the power dynamic intrinsic to breadcrumbing.
The breadcrumber will ensure their partner feels insecure in the relationship to keep them powerless.
Why ‘breadcrumbing’ is a harmful dating trend
‘Breadcrumbing’ isn’t just a nasty way to treat another person – according to psychologists, it can actually be pretty harmful.
Dr Cortney Warren explains to Indy100 that breadcrumbing is actually a pretty cruel manipulation tactic.
The person breadcrumbing gets to enjoy the romantic attention of a committed relationship without actually putting in the effort themselves.
It’s essentially leading a partner on, and it’s hard for those being breadcrumbed to call the behavior out because there are times when the breadcrumber does seem genuinely interested and invested.
Dr Warren also offers her expert advice on avoiding this toxic dating trend.
She says good relationships are ones where both parties can be honest about how they’re feeling.
That may mean having to cut things off, which can feel initially hurtful, but will actually end up making both parties happier in the long run.