Sophie Haselberg, Bette Midler’s daughter, never once thought she’d get married. But in 2021, amid a pandemic, she exchanged vows with her husband, Harry J. N. Guinness, in a homespun wedding ceremony with 11 people. It was so personalized that Midler and Sophie’s father got their hands dirty.
Bette Midler wears many hats. While she is a celebrated actress known for her roles in such classic films as “The First Wives Club,” “Parental Guidance,” and “The Addams Family,” she is also a singer with beautiful songs and renditions of “From a Distance,” “Wind Beneath My Wings,” and “The Rose,” for which she won a Grammy.
Besides a successful career spanning over five decades, the actress also boasts a successful family life, with her loving husband of four decades, Martin von Haselberg, and a wonderful daughter, Sophie von Haselberg.
Like many celebrity marriages, Midler and Haselberg’s romance started in a whirlwind. They first met after being introduced by mutual friends at a King Crimson band concert. They did not see each other again for two years.
In 1983, she met him again in a bar around Los Angeles, where she says lots of performance art was happening in the early 80s. She went into one of the clubs to see what was happening and met him there. They exchanged numbers, but he did not call her for another year. But when he called, they did not waste any more time, and two weeks later, they were married.
Despite not knowing each other for a long time, the two eloped and headed to the Starlight Chapel in Las Vegas. There, they exchanged vows with an Elvis impersonator conducting the ceremony. Midler recalled:
“My wedding had two people — my husband and me — and, of course, the Elvis impersonator that married us.”
It was a spur-of-the-moment thing, but the two have never had regrets. Decades later, Midler still recalls that they walked down the aisle to Italian composer Nino Rota’s music. And the funny bit? It was Midler who asked Haselberg to marry her.
The “In My Life” singer recalls the first thing that attracted her to her husband, saying he had a beautiful smile and big warm hands. His kindness, however, is what she found unique about him.
Being married later in life — she was 39 when she wed Haselberg — posed a new challenge for Midler. For many years, she had been independent, paid her bills, called the shots, and did things the way she wanted them done.
Now, here she was, newly married and trying to incorporate the life of another into her own. It was a difficult time, and the first two years of their union were marred with bitter fights due to the fact.
However, two years after their spontaneous elopement, they welcomed their first and only child, daughter Sophie, a welcome event that helped them slow down on the fighting and set their priorities right. Midler shared:
“We came to the conclusion that we wanted to raise a child. We never wanted to hurt that kid in any way. [So] we stayed together until it got better, and it did.”
Today, they say the secret to their long-running marriage is prioritizing family. Haselberg has been a perfect example of how making sacrifices for his family has helped their union remain standing many decades later.
Midler’s Husband Sacrificed His Career for His Family
Midler praises her husband for being an excellent partner for the many years they have been together. Still, most importantly, she recognizes him as the most incredible father who ever lived, and with enough reason to back it up.
Shortly after the pair welcomed their daughter in 1986, Hasleberg, who worked as a commodities trader at the time, quit his job to support his wife’s career and help raise their daughter.
Haselberg took it upon himself to be the present parent when his wife worked. He picked up the slack when she was away on the road for days, even weeks, promoting her songs and roles in movies such as “Beaches.” He taught Sophie a foreign language and how to cook.
The “Perfect Isn’t Easy” singer acknowledges her husband’s efforts in raising their daughter and says they both combined efforts to teach her about patience and responsibility. “I didn’t do it by myself,” she says.
As a result, Sophie grew up to be the young adult of every parent’s dream. She is responsible, hardworking, incredibly fascinated by life, and full of wonder, something Midler says she enjoys about her daughter.
They had the parenting thing perfectly figured out, but as with any marriage, Midler and Haselberg had their (un)fair share of challenges. However, along the way, they learned to put their differences aside and do what they felt was best for their family.
Four decades later, Midler has plenty of secrets to having a long and beautiful marriage, especially in Hollywood, where divorce is the order of the day. She feels patience plays a very paramount role in keeping a marriage intact.
Choosing to give in is an uphill task, but sometimes it must be done for peace. Midler has also learned to let some things go and pick her battles wisely.
That said, her major takeaway from her marriage life is learning to listen to her partner, to compromise, which she says is the hardest, and to desist from assigning blame to her partner.
Above everything else, Midler has learned to recognize that she found a gem in Haselberg and that theirs is a rare type of love that many spend their entire lives searching for.
During her eleventh year of marriage, Midler disclosed that she and her husband were still getting to know each other because, in her words:
“You never know anybody. You think you do, but you don’t, and every day another layer is peeled off.”
The fights and disagreements are long behind them, and they often reminisce about their challenges. The “Driver and Company” actress revealed that she and her husband often curl up on the couch, remember some of their most trying moments, and wonder what it was all about.