An anonymous Redditor recently shared a dilemma on the thread AITA in which he explained that his 40th birthday is coming up and he wants to go on vacation to celebrate. He explains that she can’t pay her half, but he still wants to go. As a result, the pair got into an argument. However, many people agreed he’d made the right decision after learning how the events unfolded.
Once in a Lifetime Vacation
AITA is a subReddit intended for people to get an outside perspective on a fight or disagreement with another person. One recent story is regarding a birthday vacation, and many people have agreed that the OP is NTA. The 39-year-old explained that his 40th birthday is something he’s been saving for since he was young and wants to take a vacation to celebrate. “I want to take a week and travel purely for recreational purposes,” he wrote. “My criteria is that the trip needs to be at least a week and be international.”
Different Savings Plans
He further explained the situation, leading many to believe he should take the vacation, even if his girlfriend can’t afford it. “My girlfriend is great. She works hard and supports herself. But she doesn’t make as much money and, most importantly, is currently saddled with around $20k in credit card debt arising from a period of unexpected unemployment she had in the past that forced her to burn through savings and live on credit cards.” He wrote.
Compromising for Vacation
As a result, he offered her a compromise. He would cover their room if she could cover her flight, noting they’d only been together a few months. As such, he didn’t want to pay for the whole vacation. Instead, he felt she should also “contribute financially.”
He continued: “She then told me she didn’t feel she could afford to cover meals + half airfare even if I went somewhere relatively cheap (I was thinking possibly Caribbean where trip flights are running typically under $500).“
A Fight Ensues
“So I said that I understood but I also have been wanting to do this milestone birthday thing for a while now and I still intend to go even if just by myself and would only be gone a week.” He added. Next, he explained they got into a fight and their friends and family were also uncertain about who was correct regarding the vacation. “I can see both sides and just want to know, AITA?” He concluded.
Validating Responses
Many people responded in support of his decision. “It’s okay for her to be disappointed and to express those feelings to you, but the necessary and mature thing to do for her to do now is to set those feelings aside and be happy for your opportunity.” Commented one Redditor.
Meanwhile, another explained: “3 months into a relationship is way too early to be making those kinds of requests, and you even did make a generous offer anyway. If she still can’t afford to go, then she really shouldn’t be going on any trips. That does not mean you should be putting the whole thing on hold.”
“If you had said you’d been together for three years, I’d call you out, but for her to expect you to potentially spend thousands on her after only three months is some sugar-daddy stuff,” a third added
Navigating Tough Conversations
Although navigating difficult conversations takes work from both parties, discussing things like finances is essential to ensuring the success of your relationship, marriage, or partnership. Fortunately, some easy checklist items ensure a smoother conversation. Meanwhile, some “practical” ways of dealing with finances may help both parties make more financially sound decisions.
Budgeting for Vacation and Other Expenses
Firstly, conversing with your partner about money is unavoidable for a successful relationship because costly things like vacations, vehicles, and even a home will one day come up. So, it’s important to be mentally and financially prepared. On the other hand, there are several ways to approach the situation. For example, couples may agree on a set number for “play money” or investing in a mutual account. Alternatively, couples may split shared expenses equally or based on usage. For instance, if one person uses more electricity while the other uses more water, the person responsible for each bill handles the cost. Lastly, couples may set an amount for each person to spend without consulting the other.
Borrowing with Concise Terms
Borrowing money from a partner, even a friend, can be daunting. In some cases, ruining a relationship. Establishing firm boundaries is essential to combat the awkwardness or misunderstanding regarding the terms of a loan. Psychology Today recommends saying something like: “Yes, I am willing to give/loan you X amount of money at Y% interest until Z date. I expect payments of A until you have paid me back in full.” However, longer relationships may not have to address these guidelines when loaning or borrowing money from one another.
Consider all Contributions as Valuable
Money is also hard to navigate if one partner is in college or a stay-at-home parent. One person brings home all the money while the other is working toward something like a future goal or keeping the household running. It’s important to consider other contributions and their value to the partnership.
Lastly, regularly communicate regarding savings and how wants or plans may change, altering the budget to account for those changes. Things are frequently changing so taking time to evaluate from time to time will likely prevent anyone from being blindsided or feeling confused by a sudden change of heart.
People work hard to enjoy good meals, lavish vacations, and support themselves. However, some people aren’t in the same financial standing as their partner and the results can be catastrophic. Seeing eye-to-eye or coming to a money agreement is vital for a relationship’s longevity. Furthermore, being happy for the successes and adventures our partners enjoy is one of many ways we selflessly love one another.