Having our relatives care for our children while we are occupied with work is incredibly beneficial, especially when they do it for free. But considering the past conflicts we’ve had with our parents, is it fair to expect their help? After abandoning her mom, this desperate daughter reached out to her to take care of her kids.
Your daughter has no interest in establishing good relations with you. She just needs someone she can dump the kids on i.e. free babysitter.
Stand up for yourself or she will stand up for you… When the grandchildren are older, you can explain to them what really happened, why you are not in contact with each other. explain that although you would love to be their grandmother, their mother wanted differently…
The children have a father, right? Surely he has parents with whom the daughter-in-law can ask about free babysitting… On the other hand, they may have gotten tired of being babysitters all the time. There is childcare, but then you have to pay…
If you EVER want a relationship with your grandkids see this as an opportunity to make that happen. You will love them for who they are and maybe your daughter will grow up. You need to be the adult in the room now.
Thank you, Rachel, for sharing your concerns about your daughter. At Bright Side, we understand how tough this must be for you. Here are some practical tips to help you handle this situation:
- Set up the rules. If you decide to help, you can create a clear, written agreement with your daughter outlining specific duties, hours, and boundaries for babysitting. This should include any financial arrangements, expectations, and emergency protocols. Regular check-ins to review and adjust the agreement can help maintain clarity and prevent misunderstandings.
- Understand the reasons. Try to figure out why your daughter pushed you away. Maybe she felt insecure in your relationship, was influenced by someone, or had personal issues. Try to see things from her perspective and empathize with her.
- Know your rights. You don’t have to help your daughter with her kids, especially after how she treated you. It’s okay to set boundaries and protect yourself. Saying no isn’t selfish.
- Communicate openly. Share your feelings and expectations with your daughter. Let her know you love her and want to be part of her life. Tell her how hurt you were when she excluded you from important events. Explain what you need from her to rebuild trust and your relationship.
- Seek support from loved ones. Remember, you’re not alone. Lean on other family members and friends for advice, comfort, and assistance. Consider joining online or offline groups of parents with similar experiences to learn from their stories and insights.
- Keep your grandkids in mind. Remember, your daughter’s children are innocent and deserve a loving, supportive grandmother. They could benefit from having a positive role model and a stable family environment. Do you want a relationship with them? Are you willing to miss out on their growth and development?
- Think about the consequences. Be prepared for the outcomes of your decision, whichever path you choose. If you help your daughter with her kids, you might face challenges like her attitude and demands, sacrificing time and energy, and dealing with frustration. If you decide not to help, you might encounter backlash, criticism, anger, and feelings of guilt.
- Think about other family members. Consider how your decision affects your other children and grandchildren. How do they feel about your daughter’s behavior and your response? Do they support you or want you to reconcile? Reflect on how your choice impacts family dynamics and harmony.
Many view friends as chosen family, often closer than relatives. Another story explores what happens when a best friend asks another to be their child’s mother. The twist? The woman is married, and her husband disagrees.