Navigating family dynamics, especially when it involves the family of your significant other, can be challenging. Read full story in comment.
A woman shared a story of a family matter which shows the complexity of the relationship within the members of the family, especially the in-laws.
Namely, she wrote that she and her partner Nick had been together for nearly four years. According to her, she and Nick’s family got along well. She would spend the holidays at her in-laws and they would exchange presents. But during an occasion, she learned they didn’t feel that close to her, nonetheless.
As the woman explained, her partner’s family always took a yearly vacation together. This year, she wanted to be part of it, of course, covering her own expenses for the trip.
But when she asked her future mother-in-law if she could go with them, the MIL said no. Her explanation was that OP wasn’t part of the family.
OP was both confused and hurt. When she told that to her partner, he said she shouldn’t be mad because she wasn’t the only one who was left out and that no one significant other had been invited.
The family proceeded with the trip while OP stayed home.
Some time later, as autumn hit, OP decided to invite Nick’s family over and treat them dinner she had prepared herself, including her family chili recipe that everyone loved.
During dinner, Nick’s mom asked OP if she could have the recipe, but OP said no because it was a family recipe kept under wraps. The MIL then said, “But aren’t we a family,” to what OP answered, “Well, according to you, we’re not.”
The MIL was caught by surprise, and she simply said, “Oh, okey,” before leaving the place. Nick got mad at OP for saying that to his mom and hadn’t talk to her in days.
OP, however, believes she’s not in the wrong for refusing to share her family recipe with someone who obviously didn’t consider as such.
Redditors took her side and said she wasn’t in the wrong.
“It’s unimaginable to find out after four years of dating that they don’t consider you family,” one person commented.
“After three months of our dating, my husband’s mother invited me into their family for the first time! I would reconsider my status not only in the eyes of his family but also in his own if he treated me like this even during the years of our relationship and my husband was fine. How they see you is more important than a meal or a trip,” user Haillordvecna wrote.
“Just because they’re hypocrites makes you guilty. With normal individuals, there wouldn’t be a problem. I’d ask Nick to clarify what this very different circumstance is. Family vacations are meant to be spent with family. You’re not family.(he says). Family members use only family recipes. She claims she is not related to them. Make sense of it!” someone added.
“Let’s review that last part. According to his mother, you’re not related, and he didn’t fight. He didn’t advocate for you. He didn’t stay home for support. That’s really charming. Do you really want to spend your life with someone who seems okay with cutting you out of your life?
I think you learned something useful about this man and his family, and it’s not pretty. I believe couples counseling is necessary if you wish to keep this relationship going. Go without him and discuss it with an impartial third party if he refuses to go,” a third added.