My sister-in-law Emily’s birthday gift, an ugly garden gnome, seemed harmless enough. But three days later, a furious stranger showed up at my door, accusing me of stealing and demanding the return of her beloved “Rupert.” What did Emily do?!
I never thought I’d be posting here about a garden gnome that changed my life, but here we are.
It all started on my birthday. I’d been dreading the party for weeks, knowing my sister-in-law, Emily, would find some way to make it about her.
But even worse was that she acted like an idiot who had no idea she was doing anything wrong.
This year, I was determined to have a drama-free celebration. I spent the whole day decorating the backyard, hanging fairy lights, and arranging flowers.
My husband, David, was manning the grill.
As guests started arriving, I was constantly glancing at the gate, waiting for Emily’s grand entrance. She didn’t disappoint.
Two hours late, she sashayed into the backyard like she owned the place, wearing six-inch heels that sank into the grass with every step.
But it wasn’t her fashionably late arrival that made me frown. It was what she was carrying: the gaudiest, most enormous garden gnome I’d ever seen.
“Happy birthday, Sarah!” Emily trilled, air-kissing my cheeks. “I hope you like your gift. It’s absolutely perfect for your… quaint little garden.”
I stood there, speechless, as she thrust the monstrosity into my arms.
The gnome was at least two feet tall, painted in eye-searing colors, with a crack running down its side. It looked like something that had escaped from a tacky lawn ornament factory.
Did she think I was an old woman?
“Oh, wow,” I managed to stammer. “That’s… quite something, Emily. Thank you.”
Emily beamed, clearly pleased with herself. “I knew you’d love it. Now, where shall we put it? I think it would look fabulous over there by the rose bushes.”
I glanced at the spot she indicated and tried to imagine this eyesore among my carefully tended flowers. No way was that happening.
“Actually,” I said, “I think I’d like to put it in the front yard. That way, everyone can see it when they drive by.”
Emily’s smile tightened. “Oh, but,” she insisted, “I THINK IT WOULD LOOK BETTER IN THE BACKYARD. Don’t you agree, David?”
My husband held up his hands. “It’s Sarah’s gift. Isn’t it? She can put it wherever she likes.”
Emily’s nostrils flared, but she quickly composed herself. “Well, of course. It’s your decision. I just thought it would tie the whole backyard together so nicely.”
“Thank you for the suggestion,” I said, “but I’ve made up my mind.”
As Emily stalked off to the refreshment table, I caught David’s eye. He gave me a subtle thumbs-up, and I felt a small surge of pride.
For once, I hadn’t let Emily’s passive-aggressive tactics get the better of me. Yes, I tended to get angry and make a scene at her crazy actions.
The rest of the party passed happily, but I couldn’t help noticing Emily’s occasional glances at the gnome. Is it going to explode or something?
By twilight, the last guest finally left, and I breathed a sigh of relief. For once, Emily hadn’t managed to make everything about her, and we were able to host a normal party.
The next morning, I lugged the gnome out to the front yard. Despite its garish appearance, I had to admit it had a certain charm.
I positioned it near the mailbox and went back inside.
For the next few days, I actually grew fond of the gnome. I even found myself smiling at it as I collected the mail or watered the front flowerbeds.
But on the third day after my birthday, everything changed.
I was just settling down with a cup of afternoon coffee when an aggressive knock startled me. Frowning, I went to answer the door.
A woman I’d never seen before stood on my porch, and she was red-faced and fuming.
“Can I help you?” I asked, confused.
The woman jabbed a finger at me. “YOU’RE A THIEF!” she shouted. “YOU STOLE THAT GNOME FROM MY YARD! IT’S MINE, IT EVEN HAS A CRACK ON IT! I CAN SHOW YOU A PHOTO TO PROVE IT!”
I WAS MORTIFIED. What had Emily done?!
“I… what? No, I didn’t steal anything! That gnome was a birthday gift from my sister-in-law.”
The woman’s eyes narrowed. “Oh sure! I want it back, now, or I’m calling the police!”
My face burned. “Please, there’s been some kind of misunderstanding. Let me call my sister-in-law. She can explain where she got it.”
With trembling, angry fingers, I dialed Emily’s number. “Emily? It’s Sarah. I need you to come over right away. Don’t ask why, just please hurry.”
Twenty maddening minutes later, Emily’s car pulled into the driveway. When she saw the woman, SHE IMMEDIATELY turned pale. The look on her face told me everything I needed to know.
“Emily,” I said, trying to restrain my anger, “this woman says the gnome you gave me was stolen from her yard. Care to explain?”
“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Emily stuttered. “I bought that gnome fair and square.”
The woman snorted. “Oh really? Then you won’t mind showing us the receipt, or do you want me to call the police?”
Emily’s eyes widened. “Okay, fine!” she said, raising her hands in surrender. “I… I didn’t exactly buy it from a store.”
“Then where did you get it, Emily?” I said through tight lips. I was barely holding it together.
“Fine!” Emily threw her arms in the air. “That day, I was almost here when I remembered that I didn’t buy you anything. I saw the garden gnome in her yard. They had a tall fence, though. Then, some homeless man passed by, so I paid him $20 to get it for me…”
A heavy silence fell over my porch.
I closed my eyes. This was so like her!
“… and I drove off quickly when I saw her coming out of the house,” Emily continued sheepishly.
My sister-in-law was insane… and stupid.
I didn’t know what to say.
But suddenly, the woman who’d come looking for her gnome burst out laughing. “Well, I’ll be damned,” she chuckled. “I never thought anyone would try to steal Rupert!”
Her laughter broke the tension. I giggled a bit and asked, “Rupert?”
The woman nodded, still grinning. “That’s what I call him. He’s been in my family for years, and everyone says he’s ugly. I was heartbroken when he disappeared the other day.”
“I’m so sorry,” Emily said. “I never meant to cause any trouble. I just wanted to give Sarah a nice gift because she has a pretty garden.”
I turned to my sister-in-law with surprised eyes. Maybe this was a turning point for us.
“Oh, Emily,” I sighed.
The woman finally introduced herself as Miriam, and I invited her inside for an hour of tea, chatting, and laughing about my sister-in-law’s gnome stealing.
David arrived home and couldn’t believe what had happened. He also apologized to Miriam for the stolen gnome, and a few hours later, he loaded Rupert into her car.
When the lady drove away, I turned to Emily.
“You know,” I commented, “weirdly, this might be the best birthday gift you’ve ever given me.”
“Honestly?” Emily asked.
“Yes, it showed me that you wanted to do something nice,” I answered. “You go about life, acting in a rather selfish way. You make things about yourself and mess up often, but this time, you thought about me and what I liked, and tried to give me something I would like, too.”
“I really did!” she nodded eagerly. “The gnome was cute!”
“Yes, it was,” I acknowledged. “But maybe, next time, don’t steal from other people. You could’ve just come by without a gift.”
Emily nodded, biting her lip.
“This was also one of the first events where I didn’t explode on you,” I continued, shrugging. “You’ve made me so mad before, but I realize now that it’s just you. You don’t mean any harm. You’re just a little misguided sometimes.”
Emily’s eyes shined on me, surprised, as if this was the first time anyone had ever seen her, the real her. “Thank you, Sarah,” she swallowed. “No one ever understands me. Everyone always thinks I do things because I want attention.”
“It seems that way often.”
“I know,” she nodded. “I want to work on that.”
So, I clapped my hands. “Okay. Let’s start at the beginning. A clean slate from now on.”
Her eyes watered and she jumped into my arms. “Sister!”
My eyes almost watered, too.
“Alright, guys,” David interrupted us, smiling. “That was fun. Emily, do you want to stay for dinner?”
“Yes!” she said, letting me go.
As we walked back into the house, I knew our family had changed… for the better… all because of a gnome.
Cheers to Rupert! Oh, and Emily bought another one from a REAL store that was much cuter. I named him, Rupert Jr.