The first kiss is a milestone for many people, although not all experiences are as magical as others. For bestselling author William Cane, his first kiss inspired a new book for his repertoire. “I was 17, and the girl I kissed was a friend that I had in high school, and it was a terrific experience,” Cane says. “It was exciting because it was the first, and … that lip contact was certainly different from when I had kissed my grandmother or my aunt.” So he eventually wrote The Art of Kissing where he demystifies the act as well as gives advice about it. But kissing goes beyond the first experience since it’s actually an under-appreciated way to strengthen relationships and benefit your health.
How kissing affects relationships
Remember that most people’s real “first kisses” aren’t romantic. They usually come from their mothers and fathers, which builds an important link between kissing and affection. “Our earliest experiences as infants often involve lip stimulation through being nursed and kissed by our parents,” says Sheril Kirshenbaum, an academic specialist at Michigan State University and author of The Science of Kissing: What Our Lips Are Telling Us. “And later, we associate these sensations with feelings of love, comfort, and security when we want to express how we feel to someone else. Kissing brings two people together like no other behavior. Each partner actively engages all of their senses to learn about the other.” [1]
Because this type of bonding can strengthen relationships, it could also lead to problems. According to Marilyn Anderson, author of Never Kiss a Frog: A Girl’s Guide to Creatures From the Dating Swamp, it could create an impression of affection and connection that isn’t truly there. “If you are in the world trying to meet somebody, yes, kissing can certainly tell you if you’re compatible with somebody,” says Anderson. “And what I say in Never Kiss a Frog is, don’t kiss the wrong guy, because it does have this bonding influence on you. If you get too bonded to somebody and he’s the wrong guy, you might stay with him too long.”
You don’t have to take Kirshenbaum and Anderson’s words for it. The science backs them up. Research has shown that kissing increases oxytocin (also called the “cuddle hormone” or “love hormone”) which helps create attachments between people. It also increases levels of serotonin and endorphins — which improve mood — and dopamine — which heightens feelings of pleasure. This feeling of closeness often leads to people making love and enjoying it. Beyond the psychological importance of kissing, there are some ways it can even benefit our health.
Some health benefits of kissing
1. Reducing Stress
Of course, this cocktail of feel-good hormones can also improve your health, namely by reducing stress levels. This effect can also improve people’s feelings of self-worth, which is sometimes associated with high cortisol levels. Oxytocin, in particular, can effectively lower anxiety levels and improve feelings of relaxation.
2. Can Help Lower Blood Pressure
Hormones aside, kissing increases heart rate and dilates blood vessels, which can help lower blood pressure. Also this effect of increased blood flow could help relieve period cramps. Stress and high blood pressure are two common causes of headaches, so kissing could help if either is the case.
3. Supports Your Immune System
People might find the idea of “swapping spit” gross and unhygienic. However, kissing exposes the body to new germs that can boost the immune system. This doesn’t mean you should start kissing whom ever you can. So take it with a grain of salt.
4. Oral Health
Speaking of spit, kissing stimulates salivary glands, which causes more saliva to lubricate the mouth, an important feature in preventing cavities and tooth decay. There are other ways to stimulate salivary glands, but kissing is probably the most fun.
5. Healthier Looking Skin
That’s not the only benefit of kissing when it comes to your appearance. Kissing can exercise 2 to 34 facial muscles, which could help them firm up and stimulate collagen production, which can lead to healthier and younger-looking skin. [2]
6. Improves Your Self-Esteem
Kissing not only boosts happy hormones but also reduces cortisol, improving self-worth. A 2016 study linked higher cortisol levels to dissatisfaction with physical appearance. While more research is needed, kissing’s potential to lower cortisol makes it a pleasant way to spend time.
7. Help Burn Calories
Discover the surprising benefit of kissing: it burns calories! Depending on the intensity, you can torch 2 to 26 calories per minute. While not a weight loss regime, it offers a more enjoyable alternative to sweating on the elliptical trainer! Obviously, we’re not talking about a peck on the cheek here, so take from that what you will.
The importance of “everyday” kissing
Studies also indicated that women tended to value kissing compared to men. In fact, kissing is a vital factor for women’s romantic satisfaction, but many men may overlook it because they may physically require less of it. However, men looking to please their female partners may want to place more emphasis on kissing, whether it comes to initiating it more frequently or savoring it.
One study involving over a thousand college students in the U.S. found that many women used kissing to assess the state of the overall relationship — and to rule out potential partners. A similar study with over 1600 people (all in relationships at least two years old) found that those who kissed more often reported increased sexual and relationship satisfaction, especially for women. Meanwhile, women in this study felt less connected with their male partners and dissatisfied with their overall relationships if there wasn’t a lot of kissing involved.
Remember, kissing is not just for the bedroom. Another study showed that all genders reported that “everyday” kissing resulted in more sexual and relationship happiness. Other research shows that romantic and everyday kissing can improve both partners’ self-esteem.
So when should couples engage in everyday kissing? Michael Castleman, M.A. recommends starting with three important daily moments: while saying “good morning,” while saying “good night,” and while greeting each other after work. Kissing during these times shows that the partners value each other, an important feeling for a person of any gender. [3]