One Reddit user shared her story online asking community members’ opinion on whether she was being a jerk for refusing to date her brother’s friend so he could ‘overlook’ his $10K debt.
Being objectified and sold like an object is awful, especially when your own brother is the culprit
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Woman shares that her brother owed his rich friend $10K and told her that she could help him
Image credits: Gabriela Pereira (not the actual photo)
He then said that his friend would be willing to ‘overlook’ the debt if she went on a few dates with his friend
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
She immediately refused and despite his begging to help him out and his friend’s messages, she didn’t change her mind
She also shared text messages that she received from her brother’s friend
image credits: Fun-Asparagus9603
Image credits: u/Fun-Asparagus9603
She noted that now her brother and parents are mad at her for not dating her brother’s friend and helping him out
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared her story online asking community members if she was being a jerk for refusing to date her brother’s friend to ‘pay off’ his debt. The post received a lot of online readers’ attention and collected over 6.2K upvotes and almost 2K comments.
The original poster (OP) starts her story by sharing that her brother’s friend comes from a wealthy family and they have a startup together. Well, apparently there have been some financial ‘mistakes’ and OP’s brother ended up owing his friend $10K. To the woman’s surprise, her brother said that she could help him by… going on a few dates with his friend.
OP told her brother right away that there was no way she would sleep with his friend, but the begging continued for days and even the friend himself decided to reach out to her. She noted that she feels like an object to clear her brother’s debt and the whole proposal makes her feel really gross and cheap.
Despite this, she added that her parents and brother are mad at her for refusing to date the man to help her brother. “They’re saying that I’m very unsupportive and selfish,” OP noted.
Community members were fully on the woman’s side and discussed that her brother was being a complete jerk. “Yea no man is paying $10,000 just for a dinner date. He 100% expects [intercourse] as payment for your brother’s debt. Don’t go on this ‘date’ , it’s 100% not just a date,” one user wrote. “If my friend told me he’d overlook that kind of debt if I [sold] my sister out to him, not only would he never see a penny from me, but he’d be owing me and my sister $10k for every tooth he hopes to keep in his mouth,” another added.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
“A situation like this is a direct hit to individual autonomy and self-worth,” shared Shemiah Derrick LCPC, CADC, who is a licensed therapist, private practice owner and author, with Bored Panda. She added that being asked to date the friend in exchange for money is assigning a monetary value to the individual.
“It’s basically saying ‘You are worth this amount and you can be cashed in to fix my problem’,” she emphasized. “Being seen that way can cause you to feel like you are a commodity and not a person, like your opinion and needs don’t matter, or you are property that can be handed over to someone.”
Now, speaking about gender dynamics, Shemiah noted that they play a huge role in how women are treated and viewed. “In a lot of cases, there is still an expectation that women are to be in a position of servitude and sacrifice.”
She shared that women are often seen as adaptable and agreeable – and therefore dispensable. Boys are traditionally and stereotypically expected to find a job, pursue a career, and lead a fulfilling life, whilst girls are expected to take care of the home and the family. “In some cultures, this is still true even from a ‘modern’ perspective.”
Finally, if you are feeling torn between familial obligations and your own sense of self-worth, Shemiah pointed out that it’s much easier said than done, but instincts often don’t lie. “If it doesn’t feel good to you, it’s probably because it’s not going to be,” she said. “Situations like this are more common than people think as some cultures practice traditions that reduce or even bypass an individual’s autonomy.”
So in general, people who care about you and want the best for you are what you need – but even family can pose a risk to overall well-being. “As difficult as it may be, the first step would be setting boundaries or giving yourself space from your family. If they choose not to honor your wishes, more time and longer separation may be needed,” the therapist pointed out.
“In a situation like this, they are putting their needs – which are temporary – first. But your well-being, happiness and fulfillment are lifelong and only you know what the right choice is.”
Redditors backed the woman up and shamed her brother and their parents
