A woman who’s facing a dark moment in her 5-year relationship found herself so lost, she decided to ask people online for help. After a massive argument with her fiancé over money, the woman was left wondering whether or not she was actually wrong for firmly standing against the man she loves.
She wrote:
“I (32F) got engaged to my partner (35M) just a year ago. As of right now we have been together 5 years, and our wedding is planned for May 2025.
Unfortunately, only a couple of weeks after our engagement, my nanna passed away. My nanna and grandpa worked extremely hard throughout their lives, were very successful, educated and had really high paying jobs. They were very restricted on spending money young and so lived their elderly years with lots of it. Worth noting my grandpa is a very, very intelligent man, and he’s very smart with money and investments, so when I say lots, I do mean lots.
My nanna wrote a hugely generous sum of money into her will that was to be inherited by me, my brother and my three cousins. Even after the money was divided up, there was still thousands to each of our names. I won’t disclose the exact amount.
When I heard the news, I told my fiancé, and he was incredibly overjoyed, much more than I expected him to be. I went along with it and shrugged it off until later in the day I heard him on the game with his mates saying, ’I can pay my credit card off with that money, mate! We can finally get that boys’ holiday we’ve been planning, ay?’ and laughing.”
“I walked into the room and asked, ’What money?’ and he immediately looked at me funny and said, ’From your nan, babe.’
I immediately exploded on him and said, ’You won’t be paying anything off without my permission, and there most certainly will be no boys’ holiday. It’s not your money to have, it’s written to me from MY nanna, it’s not for you.’
We had a shouting match and I left the room upset, he later got off the game and found me in the kitchen where he scolded me again and said, ’We are getting married, you will become my financial BURDEN. Any money you take in is mine also. It was incredibly selfish of you to make such a fool out of me in front of my friends and giving them false hope of a holiday.’
Again, worth noting it wasn’t me who said anything about a holiday, and where I become a financial burden I don’t know considering I am in a very good job, and don’t want children. I left the house without saying a word and am typing this at my friend’s house right now.
I forgot to mention that this incident has literally just happened, the reason my fiancé only just found out is because until now even I didn’t know if the money was coming to me or not due to several family and court complications.
Am I in the wrong?”
The woman received nothing but support in the aftermath of the post:
- My now husband was aware I had an inheritance. Not once has he ever asked me for money or to pay for something that’s for him alone. It’s always been thought of as money left to me to help me start my life.
This man who called you a burden isn’t worth the paper that money is printed on. How dare he assume that money will be his just because he exists in your life? The decision is of course yours, but I would really think about if this is the person you want to weather hardships with, financial or otherwise, for the rest of your life. © OneUnderstanding3484 / Reddit
- He’s a man child. He can finally get that boys’ holiday? He’s 35!
Think you might have had a lucky escape. He’s not planning your dream wedding, your dream honeymoon, house, etc. He’s paying off his debts and taking his friends away. It seems very selfish to me. © Tx2xAxG / Reddit
- “Any money you take in is mine also.” “You are a financial burden.” He has debt. His first plan with your money is to vacation with his friends, not you. When you call him on it, he reverses it and makes you the villain for embarrassing him.
When people show you who they are, believe them. Don’t fall victim to sunk cost fallacy. Just because you wasted 5 years on him doesn’t mean you need to waste another minute. © everellie / Reddit
- Even if you were married, the inheritance is still completely separate property. It NEVER belonged to your boyfriend. I’m sure you are upset because your boyfriend is viewing the death of your nan as a joyous event. © TarzanKitty / Reddit
But those who took time to offer advice mainly agreed about one major point:
- Stop the wedding. Do not marry this guy.
First, wow, he’s got credit card debt he’s never paid off? Living beyond his means is a HABIT.
Second, what’s his is his, and what’s yours is his? Oh, honey NO.
Third, the rage, entitlement and projecting you would be “the burden” on him in the relationship? This man exhibits all the classic narcissist tells.
Your grandparents last gift to you wasn’t just the money, but the wisdom of who this guy really is underneath. No character and entitled. © Myay-4111 / Reddit
- He has shown you that he thinks of you as a burden and is planning on spending money that isn’t actually his on his ‘boys’. And he’s screaming at you because you won’t fall in with his plans. You’re nuts if you actually marry him. © CriticalSimple3122 / Reddit
- You really want to marry this guy? There are 2 problems:
1. He assumed he’s entitled to the money.
2. He assumed he can spend it on a discretionary item that does not include you.
Problem 2 is the bigger issue. © midnightschild / Reddit