It’s easier to break trust in a relationship rather than build it. Even the smallest things can cause a storm of negative emotions. Our reader’s friend doesn’t trust his girlfriend Samie to the point where he has to ask his friend to watch her. Now our reader is confused and worried about his friend’s relationship.

We got a message from our reader.

Talk to him.

Talk to Alex in person and express your concerns. Let him know that you’re worried about both him and Samie and that his actions seem unnecessary and controlling. Encourage Alex to have an honest conversation with Samie about his feelings and insecurities.

Tell him that he’s turning into a toxic boyfriend, and that their relationship is becoming unhealthy. Help him recognize that controlling behavior and excessive jealousy are big red flags.

Support Samie.

Let Samie know that you’re there for her and that she can talk to you if she needs support or advice. She might be scared to ask for help because she’s afraid of his reaction. If Alex’s behavior gets worse, consider reaching out to a counselor, therapist, or a domestic violence hotline. Samie might not realize that she’s in a potentially dangerous relationship, so your help is important.

Don’t give in.

Politely refuse to stay at his house. Explain that you’re uncomfortable with the idea and that it’s not your place to intervene in their relationship in that way. If you still want to help him somehow, help him to establish a healthy relationship instead. Yes, Alex is your friend, but avoid enabling or condoning his controlling behavior.

Don’t take sides.

Avoid getting involved in conflicts between Alex and Samie. Without the full picture, stepping in could cause unwanted consequences, possibly resulting in one of them blaming you. It’s better to let them work through their issues independently. Getting involved might only make matters worse.

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