Nobody wants to have to choose between their mother and their wife, particularly when the latter is expecting a child. But life is about making decisions and establishing priorities, and it’s also about knowing how to value people around us without causing them harm. What actions do you think the man in this story took in this circumstance?

He asked internet users for guidance and assistance.

My wife is 33f and I am 36m. We are soon to have our first child. My mother, seventy-nine, was given a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and is currently in the hospital because the disease is so advanced that the doctors are not sure she will live. My mom raised me while working two jobs because my dad passed away when I was a young child and she wanted me to have a nice life.

I believe my mum is the reason I am here. We had to struggle so much, so I got her a house and everything she needed to live a good old age. My wife and I were conversing when she asked, “If you got a call that I was in labor or your mom was going to die, who would you pick?” I had just returned from visiting my mom when I arrived home from work.

She asked why I would choose my mother, and I explained that I wanted to be there to say goodbye to her because I would never see her again and I wanted her to have someone there to spend her last moments.

“What about me and our baby?” she yelled in a rage. I assured her not to worry about it and that I would try to get there as soon as possible after my mom, but it probably wouldn’t happen. She told me to leave the house because she was still angry. I went, and I’m at my mother’s place right now.

People’s perspectives on the subject differed.

  • My best friend was having a difficult baby at her last, and my mother was dying. She wanted me to be there, just like I was with her first. “Can you plan to give birth at the same hospital my mother was at?” was all I asked. Throughout the day, I moved from floor 2, the delivery floor, to floor 4, the cancer ward.
  • The physicians were aware of my condition and my actions. I was able to support them both as a result. Speak with her, work out a compromise, and devise a plan. She’s expecting, which usually makes people a little more emotional and anxious. MsBlack2life / Reddit
  • Indeed, her question is self-serving on its face. You were mistaken in your understanding, but I can understand her concern given everything that may go wrong. It’s frightful. From her point of view, she is alone in her fear if something goes wrong and you are not present. Nari-Trickster / Reddit
  • I understand all sides of this. To be honest, though, my mother would advise me to attend my child’s birth if I informed her that, in a male role, I would prefer her to the birth of my child. CrabbiestAsp / Reddit
  • It’s likely that your wife is afraid. Our child and I both nearly passed away during childbirth. Given that childbirth can also be a deathbed, the conclusion that “deathbed trumps new birth” is not as definitive. Make sure you have a well-thought-out strategy that includes a backup in case option one is unavailable or busy so she knows she is not on her own.Make sure you can be reached at all times. Even though your mother (or anyone is accompanying her) may not be conscious at all by the end, you can still talk to your wife over the phone while she goes into labor. Make a decision regarding your possibilities. Global_Monk_5778 / Reddit
  • Stupid question. Round-Ticket-39 / Reddit
  • How miserable it must be for the three of you! Mom is dying; you’re caught between her final days and your hormonally-charged pregnant wife, and your wife’s pregnancy is completely eclipsed by it all. When your wife is terrified, she must feel so alone. I’m really sorry for the three of you. Designer_Lie_8610 / Reddit
  • It’s likely that your wife fears being left alone by you while she gives delivery. Every woman want to be her man’s top priority, but you’ve told her she’s not. Understandable given the situation, but hearing that would still be upsetting. Dear_Parsnip_6802 / Reddit
  • It seems like a pointless inquiry for her to genuinely pose. I get that it could stem from hormones, anxiety related to giving delivery, etc., but why put your husband in that situation with a question that is entirely hypothetical? It sounds like she was attempting to start a quarrel. As a husband, I’m sure it would break your heart to miss your child’s birth, but as you mentioned, it would be your last opportunity to see your mother. Savannah_living_18 / Reddit
  • If my spouse had chosen his mother instead, I would be furious. He will remain there for the duration of the baby’s life. You only get to bid us farewell once. GirWaffles2013 / Reddit
  • I was on the verge of death when my daughter was born. Women are at risk during childbirth, and I believe we sometimes overlook that. Most likely, your wife is terrified and nervous. Although it wasn’t appropriate for her to become upset and throw you out, I thought it was a valid inquiry.
    I strongly advise that you two prepare ahead of time. If you are unable to come, perhaps her best friend or parents can, so she knows she is not alone. Winterblue24 / Reddit
  • If you are unable to attend, kindly arrange for someone else to support your wife during her labor and delivery. riyuzqki / Reddit
  • Although it’s a difficult choice, this isn’t the only instance we know of; another expectant mother had to make a comparable choice.

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