Billions of dollars in child support payments go unpaid each year, according to the US Census Bureau. (Data shows that roughly $37.9 billion went unpaid to custodial parents in 2011 alone.) But the reason one divorced dad is going viral this week isn’t because he didn’t pay up. Instead, he’s making headlines for how he paid. The unnamed father, who lives in Richmond, Virginia, reportedly dumped 80,000 pennies on his ex-wife’s front lawn to mark the final child support payment he owed her for their daughter. But if he thought he thought he was somehow having the last laugh, he was sorely mistaken.
Though the dad has not been identified publicly, his teen daughter is gladly stepping into the spotlight.
Eighteen-year-old Avery Sanford, who has given several interviews in the last few days, has been pretty outspoken about her dad’s cruel stunt ever since the day it happened. And now, she’s even using the story as a means to elevate a national conversation about domestic abuse and the parental manipulation that often takes place during acrimonious divorce battles, as well as afterward.
According to Avery, she was shocked and hurt by her dad’s actions.
Adding even more salt to the wound was the fact that it happened on her 18th birthday, which was supposed to be a happy day.
As the high school senior later told WTVR, it was an otherwise normal school day when her dad came by her mom’s house. (If there even are such things in the time of COVID-19.)
“When I was in the middle of [a remote learning] class, my dad came by,” Avery explained to the news station, adding that he had rented a trailer before making the trip.
Inside the trailer was a massive pile of pennies — 80,000 in all — which added up to $800.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t some kind of funny birthday gag. There were no balloons or “Happy Birthday, Avery!” signs. In fact, the bitter dad didn’t mention his daughter’s birthday at all.
Instead, Avery said the massive pile of pennies was her dad’s way of sticking it to her mom, who he’s been paying child support to ever since the couple separated. Apparently, the $800 he’s been paying her every month really got under his skin — even if every dime of it went to the care and well-being of his child.
The stunt, which was caught on security footage, was so bizarre that even Avery’s mom didn’t register what was happening at first.
“She didn’t know who it was until he shouted, ‘It’s your final child support payment,” Avery told WTVR.
Once it became clear what the whole thing was about, Avery’s mom was understandably livid. But so was her teenage daughter — as well as the couple’s other daughter — who found the dad’s antic mortifying, immature, and deeply hurtful.
“It’s not just my mom he’s trying to embarrass,” Avery told the news station. “It’s also me and my sister and it’s upsetting that he didn’t consider that before he did that.”
The story has been making the rounds for days, and sparking a LOT of conversation on social media.
Most people remain shocked by the dad’s behavior — especially other divorced dads, who couldn’t imagine treating their ex or their kids that way.
“As a father of a daughter I dearly love and adore, no way in hell I would even attempt to do something so ignorant and selfish to my child or her mom!” tweeted one dad. “Some people just refuse to grow up.”
“Woah what a low thing to do to your family,” added someone else. “Kudos to the mom who obviously raised the kid right.”
Plenty of others agreed.
“Sounds like his kid turned out well, despite that,” another person wrote. “And that’s how cycles get broken.”
Many social media users thought that the penny incident would only succeed in driving a wedge between the father and his children.
It may come as no huge surprise to learn that the girls’ relationship with their father had already been pretty strained.
According to Avery, she hasn’t spoken to her father directly in years, and his spiteful behavior on her birthday only solidified her reasons for keeping her distance.
“It’s really hurtful and damaging to your kids when you do things like that,” Avery shared. “It doesn’t matter if they’re young or an adult — the actions of your parents will always have some effect on you.”
Although it doesn’t seem as though her father understood that in the moment, Avery sincerely hopes that he gets it now.
Either way, she’s decided to turn lemons into lemonade.
Following the humiliating penny debacle, Avery and her mom decided to turn the whole incident into something positive by picking up every single one of those pennies and donating them to a domestic abuse center known as Safe Harbor.
“Turning around and donating that money to moms and children in need, I feel like that really turns this situation into a positive,” Avery shared. “You can learn from it.”
We certainly can.
Contentious divorce battles are certainly nothing new in the US.
And sadly, this story only serves to highlight that.
Though the national divorce rate is dropping (partially because of millennials waiting longer to get married), it still remains among the highest in the world — second only to the Maldives and Belarus. Nearly 50% of all first-time marriages end in divorce or separation in the US, and the chance of divorcing again gets even higher the more times a person remarries.
When it comes to working out custody agreements and spousal or child support, things can get especially heated. It’s estimated that 90% of mothers who are abused endure bitter and prolonged custody battles with their abusive significant others, and surprisingly, 78% of male abusers who seek custody actually get it.
At the same time, the psychological impacts this can have — not just on the abused spouse, but also on the child — can be life-altering.
Needless to say, things could have been handled much differently in this case.
“It’s a great feeling when your last payment is DONE,” admitted one dad on Twitter. “However, that doesn’t absolve you from still being there financially and emotionally for your children. After NYC child support for my 2 boys, I went out and bought myself a new toy. A motorcycle.”
Although that wasn’t the route the Virginia dad chose to go, it sounds like he might have a teeny tiny bit of remorse for his actions. (Of course, that may have something to do with getting dragged by strangers on social media.)
When WTVR reached out to the dad for a comment last week, he reportedly tried to defend himself, saying that “his actions were the result of 18 years of built-up frustration and his emotions got the best of him,” the news outlet reported.
Even though the man insisted that “the last thing he wanted” was to cause further damage to his relationship with his daughters, it’s pretty clear that he has.
In fact, the whole penny-on-the-lawn spectacle might have been the final nail in the coffin for this dad — and according to most people who read the story, he brought it all upon himself.
The whole thing could have remained a private family matter, if Avery and her mother had decided to sweep it under the rug.
Instead, her mother reported the incident to police. Soon after, the story began to make local headlines, and over the weekend, it kind of took on a life of its own.
Since then, people have been sharing their own stressful stories across social media, including some other upsetting tales about unpaid child support.
One mom on Twitter shared that her ex still owes more than $400,000 in child support (not counting interest), and applauded the mother and her teen for rising above it all and donating the money to charity.
“My ex rarely paid,” admitted another mother. “But when he did, he thought it was funny to throw cash on the ground in front of me wherever we were — to further demean me. He finally stopped when the judge told him that any money ‘received’ like that would not count towards the debt.”