TRIGGER WARNING: This post contains information about stillbirth and infant loss, which may be triggering to some.
There are certain guidelines of gift-giving etiquette that all of us know. (Or at least, we should.) Regifting, for example, is a well-known no-no. Buying off registry is also frowned upon, unless you’re giving something in addition to what was requested. But one woman’s faux pas has people up in arms this week, mainly because it was so blatantly in the wrong that it’s actually pretty shocking. According to a Reddit post, a grieving mother says her friend asked for several baby gifts back after her son was stillborn, and she was so shocked by it, she barely knew how to react.
The story was initially shared on Facebook by a woman who lost her baby.
In the original post, she shared screenshots of a text exchange with her friend and openly voiced her hurt.
“I didn’t want to put this out here, but I have no choice,” the mother wrote, before sharing that her friend gave her several beautiful gifts for her son Benjamin just before he was born.
According to the mom, the presents included a “soft fleece blanket, cuddly elephant, booties, some clothes and a singing toy.”
“I didn’t ask for these things,” she noted, “as I said they were gifts.”
Nevertheless, she appreciated them as a warm token of generosity from her friend. At least, that’s what she thought of them at the time.
Before the mom was due to give birth, her pregnancy took a devastating turn.
She lost her baby at 29 weeks, just as she was beginning her third trimester.
The loss was unbearable and plunged the mother into a sea of grief. Yet sadly, she is far from alone. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 1 in 160 pregnancies ends in stillbirth, and although all are emotionally devastating, they can be particularly traumatic when pregnancies are further along.
The mom was likely expecting support from friends and family.
If she was expecting it from this particular friend, however, she was sorely mistaken.
“A week later [NAME CROSSED OUT] messages me asking if Benjamin used or touched the things she bought because if not … she wanted them back!” the woman wrote.
“Hey, hun just wondering if u used the bits n bobs I got for the baby?” the friend wrote in a follow-up text. “If not I can give them to Laura’s little one. Hope your ok and resting up hun?”
Yes — she really said that.
To be clear, it’s a bizarre thing to ask.
That’s especially true when you know your friend lost her pregnancy at 29 weeks, before her child could even live long enough to use anything bought for him. Some would also say it’s downright callous. And surely, if you made the mistake of asking it, you wouldn’t dare ask again.
Apparently, though, that’s precisely what this “friend” did.
“Let me know hun before I buy more stuff, save a bit of money before Xmas, you know how it is,” the friend followed up.WTFFFFFFFF?!
This time, the mom felt compelled to reply.
And when she did, she was honest.
“I’m not doing OK, I’m heartbroken,” the mom texted. “I can’t believe you’re asking me at the moment, but yes I still have the things except for the blanket, he will be buried with it because it is warm and I thought it was stunning. I mean … I hope that’s OK for you?!?”
The friend immediately apologized.
Well, sort of.
“Aww hun, sorry I know its a tough time, I’m sorry,” the woman replied.
Instead of ending it there or asking what she could do to help, the friend rubbed even more salt in the wound.
“I just needed to know before I spend anymore, is there a chance you have another blanky for him babe?” she asked.
OH. MY. GOD.
And she kept going.
“Like you said, it’s nice and warm and Laura’s baby can have use of that,” she went on. “I’ve been having a tough time myself lately so I’m here online and on my phone all the time for u (sic) if you need to chat … Let me know though about the blanket quickly though.”
If you thought it couldn’t get any worse, think again.
“What if I popped round tomorrow?” the friend pressed. “I can pick it up then babe.”
Good Lord. This might be the most insensitive text of all time.
The mother tried (in vain) to shut it all down.
“No!” she shot back. “Don’t come here, please. The blanket is in with Benjamin!”
To hopefully get the woman off her back, she tried to compromise.
“You can have the rest [of the things] I’ll drop them off at yours, don’t even think of coming here,” the mother continued.
And just in case the woman didn’t understand that her texts were out of line, the mom made it crystal clear: “My husband is fuming with these messages you are sending me a week after I lose my baby,” she responded.
And yet, the woman STILL didn’t get the message.
In yet another follow-up text, the friend asked if the mother would consider refunding her for the baby blanket.
I REPEAT: SHE ASKED FOR A REFUND! FOR A GIFT! GIVEN TO A BABY WHO HAD DIED!
Honestly, you can’t make this stuff up.
The mother reportedly stopped replying altogether, and it seems that the relationship was severed after that.
Unsurprisingly, people were appalled by the story.
After the mother shared it on Facebook, it was also uploaded to the subreddit Choosing Beggars, where the friend’s name was censored. And that’s where people* really* let loose in the comments.
“Whoa holy balls,” one person wrote. “Imagine harassing a grieving mother over stuff that amounts to pocket change?””It says a lot about her character,” another person wrote.
Most people couldn’t contain their resentment for the so-called friend.
“If I was the grieving mother, I’d no longer want my bub to be buried in a blanket from such an awful human being,” one person wrote. “I would honestly sleep better having him exhumed and wrapped in a new, untainted one. And then I’d give that b—h her blanket back.”
“My mother is 59 y/o and if she found out I acted like this, she’d make sure to remind me she didn’t raise me to be this rude!” added someone else. “Just sickeningly rude!”
“This is hands down the absolute worst thing I’ve ever read on this sub,” commented someone else. (And honestly, that’s saying a lot, if you’ve ever gone down a rabbit hole in the Choosing Beggars subreddit.)
Others were particularly shocked by the woman’s lack of empathy.
“A friend of mine lost her baby this year (the baby died just days before the expected birth date), and it is just heart wrenching. There isn’t words for the grief she and everyone around her is experiencing. The thought of asking back money for the gifts we gave her on her baby shower (which, with the pandemic was online) is just unimaginable,” one person shared.
“I am glad that the mother who lost her baby outed her ‘friend’s’ demands and I hope all their mutual friends block her,” the person added.
Honestly, same!